Culture Clash

One of the challenges of being an INFJ in a 99%-of-people-are-not-like-me world is dealing with the local etiquette. Things that are perfectly acceptable to most people seem downright rude to me. One of the worst of these? Door bells and/or unannounced visitors. I hate both.

Here's the deal: unless I am expecting you or you are bringing me something I ordered--pizza, mail, art supplies, books--than I'm going to get really terse when you show up unannounced and ring the door bell... repeatedly. Or knock. And knock. And knock.

I had one of those moments today. (How did you guess?) Actually, two of them. First was this morning. I was enjoying a lovely Sunday morning, still in bed, and window shopping on Etsy when someone rang the door bell....and rang it again...and rang it again...and then pounded. Since it was Sunday morning, I was not expecting anyone, and it couldn't be mail or UPS, and since I was still in my nightgown, I ignored all the ringing and pounding and finally whoever it was went away. Bliss.

You've got to remember that I'm someone always in search of solitude and silence. I can go days not socializing with anyone in person and, well, those are very happy days. Sometimes people ask me if I get lonely. My response to that is only if the Internet goes down, the cat's asleep, and the Peanut Gallery is not answering...and really it would take all three for me to get lonely....well, and for the cable to go out, too. What some people call loneliness, I call paradise.

Which is not to say I don't sometimes choose to socialize in person and enjoy it....it's just that afterwards, I go home, close all the drapes, and don't say a word out loud for the next twelve hours. My mom once worked with a Ute medicine man, who told her in his half-joking and half-absolute-truth way, "Indians only talk to change the subject." I've thought about cross-stitching that and hanging it on the wall. Though not Indian, I can have whole unspoken conversations with people and only realize later, that unless they're one of me, they didn't know we were having a conversation.

Back to door bells, as I'm always reminding myself, I don't have to answer the door (or the phone.) Except sometimes, when someone comes back an hour and a half later, and I'm now dressed, and busy with an art project, but they're leaning on the door bell, I might answer it just to make the noise stop. And then I may inform you that no, I don't want to pay you to wash my windows, no, I don't want you to come back another day, and if you see anyone else around, selling goods, services, religion or politics to stay away from this house.

In the guy's defense, he's perfectly nice, has washed our windows before (though not because I answered the door and paid him to wash them. The non-INFJ of the household was home that day.) And, by his etiquette code, he's within bounds (though Sunday mornings....well, that might be pushing it.) By my etiquette code, he has interrupted my thoughts, and my art, and threatened to invade my space. On Planet INFJ, you can get a prison term for that. In fact, since art was interrupted, it's probably an aggravated charge.

And he wouldn't be doing time alone. The other day, someone came and pounded on the door and wanted to introduce herself because she was running for office. Astonishingly enough, she was a Democrat, and I didn't know any Democrats ran for office in Ogden, Utah, but I might wind up voting for the Republican just because he/she hasn't bugged me. (To make it worse, it was at the start of the performance finale of So You Think You Can Dance. Uh, yeah.)

I've thought about getting one of those clever "Go Away" door mats, but I'm too afraid the pizza/mail delivery person might think it applied to them. I've also thought about a sign that says "The last person who knocked on this door uninvited got shot," but I'm pretty sure that goes against non-INFJ etiquette.

Maybe I'll just look on Etsy for some fancy ear plugs, preferably ones that have matching fairy wings........