You-See-Timmy....Never Trust A Church

When Bill Clinton ran for president the first time, his campaign strategist, James Carville, fell for his opponent's strategist, Mary Matalin. Naturally, Hollywood couldn't resist the story and put out a movie called "Speechless." Even though it starred Michael Keaton and Geena Davis, for me, it fell short of its mark and I would have forgotten it (and I had forgotten the title) if not for one memorable scene where Michael Keaton verbalized something I had witnessed, but never had a term for: the "You-See-Timmy" moment.

"You-See-Timmy" is the moment where a parent or other authority figure pulls aside a child on the show and explains to him or her the life lesson he/she--not to mention the kids watching--should have learned from that particular episode. Though it's a t.v. classic still used today, especially on shows deemed family-friendly, the actual Timmy character is from the show "Lassie." (Only when I did a little impromptu research did I realize that Timmy didn't join "Lassie" until the fourth season, which is amazing to me because every "Lassie" rerun I ever saw had Timmy in it. But I digress.) For those who have missed this classic series, Timmy was always doing stupid things like falling into wells and Lassie, an adorable collie, would then have to rescue him and/or bring help. At the end of every episode, a parent/cop/judge/minister/doctor would say something, "You see, Timmy, it's dangerous to play with dynamite." And Timmy's eyes would widen a bit as this bit of knowledge sank in and he'd say something like "Aw, shucks. Well, I'll never do it again" and everyone would smile (including Lassie, who might also bark for emphasis) and the theme music and credits would come on. And the world was safe again, at least until the next episode when you could count on Timmy to do something else stupid.

Tonight, I had a "You-See-Timmy" moment with my cat. Yeah, I know, sounds strange, but she's the closest thing I'll ever have to a daughter and it was time for me to impart a little wisdom I learned from my mother.

When the news came on, I discovered that a prominent Mormon feminist was now facing possible excommunication from the Mormon church--which is deja vu because it happened to another prominent Mormon feminist about thirty-five years ago--and as it has happened to other men and women before and since who have been brave enough to say something church officials didn't like. You can read more about this particular case here.

And I pulled my cat aside and said, "You see, Gabby, this is why I don't trust churches. I trust God. I'm fine with Jesus and Buddha. The Dalai Lama is delightful and the Catholics even have a damn-fine pope. But I still don't trust churches...not any in general and not this one in particular. Churches are places where a congregation of kind, friendly, generous, well-intended souls gather and they will welcome you in. Until you say something they don't like and they stab you in the back. They almost never stab you in the front because that wouldn't be nice."

And Gabby's eyes widened as she pondered this morsel of wisdom and then she said, "Aw, shucks. Ok, I'll trust God, but never a church."

And I felt that maybe I'd done my job as a mother for one day.

For the record, this post is satire. Mostly.